(Time) (Eugene Lawrence Case) - Cornell Widow - Spring 1958 - 26 pages


Six and one-half years after the Cornell Widow parody of Time magazine (Tiem), they decided to do it again - this time with the correct spelling.  The cover-boy is Courtland H. O'Bryan, proprietor of the local eatery, Obie's Diner.  Mr. O'Bryan also gets the full tongue-in-cheek treatment with the two-page center feature, "The O'Bryan Story: A Parable of Business Wizardry".  The 1958 Widow staff has a much more "modern" sense of humor than that stodgy Tiem crew of 1951.  The first great piece of parody is the editorial cartoon by artist R. (Bob) Steinmetz on page seven ("National Affair").  The drawing shows "The Stalingrad Star" version of U.S. politics with Nikita Krushchev, Charlie Brown, Adlai Stevenson, Dwight Eisenhower, the Republican elephant, the Democratic donkey (with cannon) and a black bomb on the globe in a scene that is apparently tied together by three unusual Russian words: "CCVPD NYRVLC PCAVD!"  The National Affairs section ends with a detailed diagram of President Eisenhower's index finger.  Under "Judgements & Prophecies", the editors ask the question: "Are All Democrats Communists?"  Eight examples are given to prove the positive answer to the question including the Louisville Courier-Journal: "Sift flour and cornmeal separately while allowing milk to curdle in a medium oven ..."  The "People" section is just a series of old jokes with famous names inserted.  For example, "Britain's Duke of Windsor was recently overheard to ask U.S. Secretary of Defense Neil McElroy if he could have McElroy's daughter for his wife.  Quipped McElroy: 'Bring your wife around and I'll see.'"  Under "Medicine", it is reported (under "College Tumor") that "... a ninety-five pound tumor enrolled in Cornell's College of Arts and Science last fall ..." and concludes with: "All in all tumor finds college life agreeable (gained twenty-seven pounds since Christmas), has encouraged younger cyster to apply for admission next fall."  Time magazine has been parodied many times by college magazines over the years, but few have matched the cleverness of the 1958 Cornell gang.  [JAM 9/4/2015]

Front Cover - Courtland H. O'Bryan
Inside Front Cover - Raytheon (real ad)
3  Editorial staff list and Introduction
4  Letters
7  National Affairs (political cartoon by Steinmetz)
8  Judgements & Prophecies
9  Face of the Recession
10 News in Pictures
13 People
14 Business; The O'Bryan Story: A Parable of Business Wizardry
16 Medicine
17 Liberty Bell Earthquake Mutual Insurance (ad parody)
19 Education
20 Art
21 Public Favorites, No. 44 (drawing by "per")
23 Sports
24 Cinema
25 Religion
26 Timestones
Inside Back Cover - Miscellany; Genesee Beer (real ad)
Back Cover - Salem cigarettes (real ad)