Time (Jonathan Fernandez) - Harvard Lampoon/Perigee Books - 1989 - 96 pages


In this alternate Lampoon universe, Charles Manson is a California congressman; all Americans now work for Japanese bosses; Brooklyn artists have been moved to Angola where they must beg for paint; ballet groups are recreating World War I; robots are replacing actors; and, "time" is celebrating its "17 Billionth Anniversary".  With this 1989 parody of Time magazine (see also 1965 and 1969), Harvard continued their domination as players in the ever-shrinking magazine parody game.  Harvard Lampoon and Perigee Books had high hopes for this parody - leaving room on the copyright page for ten printings.  But, the Gen-Xers do not appreciate classic humor.  And, the Millennials eschew all forms of print media.  So, reprints were unlikely.  As with other parodies of the day, Lampoon took aim at future president-elect Trump with some of its jokes: "... Donald Trump has bought ground rights to build Trump's Crap Game in a Sewer Palace, 150 stories below street level.  Next door, he also plans to bring back the glory days of the Atlantic City waterfront with his Cascade of Sewage Shower-house."  In addition, the volume features two articles from Mad writer, Desmond Devlin: "Time Takes a Look at Timesky" (Russian magazine parody) and "Circus of Death" (parody of Family Circus).  The Lampoon writers delivered excellent stories throughout these pages but not a single advertisement parody. [JAM 1/16/2017]

Front Cover - George and Barbara Bush in bed
2  Index
6  From the Publisher by Eugene F. Brissie
8  Letters
12 Contributors
13 Critics' Choice
15 American Scene: A Message Hits Home by "Andy-Boy Armstrong"
17 New Englanders: Still Chowderheads? by "Siva, Destroyer of Infidels"
18 Prayer in the Schools by "Razzmatazz the Liquid"
20 The Gentleman from California by "Henly Mellin Crellim"; Short Back and Sides by "Elefina Amenhotep Chiggers"
21 Kids and the Kourts by "Hugo Ethereal Poise"
23 American Notes
24 World: Boo! - America Meets Its New Boss
28 A Country of Starving Artists by "Van-Lingel Mungo"
29 Alfred Nobel's Well Runs Dry by "Steven Fotheringay Eunuch"
30 Time Takes a Look at Timesky by Desmond Devlin
33 World Notes
34 Business: What's Love Got to Do with It? by "a vicious gibbon" (drawings by Lauren MacMullan)
38 Clearing Up Dangerous Misconceptions (drawings by Lauren MacMullan)
40 Safety Dance "from an old Flemish drinking song"
42 We're Still Here: Time Celebrates Its 17 Billionth Anniversary
48 Real Advertisement for Time Magazine ("We don't get mad, we get even")
50 Time Asks Its Readers: Where Would You Place Cranshaw, the Anniversary Ape?
52 Self-Aggrandizement: Time Covers Since the Beginning of Time
55 The Moment in Pictures
56 Next Week in Time: Corruption in Government
58 Thickwater! by "Flipper"
60 Trends: Dealing with Death by "Brian L. Livingston" (drawings by Lauren MacMullan)
64 Law: A Peek at the Men in Black
68 Education: Wheezing Away the Summer at Asthma Camp by "Cow-Cow Davenport"
70 Technology and Food: It Looks Nothing Like Me by "Katerina Cumbuquet"; Kosher Comes of Age by "Pharaoh Babs Shazam"
73 People by "Mary Trishus"
76 Cinema: Ashes to Ashes by "A. Voyeur"
77 Video: Leave It to Turner
78 Sports: New-Look Orioles Putting a Scare into AL
80 Health: Why Isn't Johnny Doing His Homework by "X.P. Nipsquod and Leonard/Typesetting Department"
81 Medicine: Are Our Hospitals Safe? by "Gravid Gravid Withers"
82 Music: Why the Big Suit? by "Quintus Septimus Loopy"
83 Crime: Circus of Death by Desmond Devlin
85 Philosophy: Dialectic Between Relativism and Absolutism Found by "Lucky Luigi Luchese"
86 Middlebrow Reading by "Horton Haul-Ass Lautrec" (drawings by Lauren MacMullan)
91 Object Notes; Milestones
92 Dance: Candid Cannon by "Floyd Sure-Shot Honeycut III"
93 Theater: 2B or not 2B by " Zenith Laptop"
95 Animal Notes
96 Essay: Some People, and Others by Ico Pyer (drawing by Lauren MacMullan)
Back Cover - Pontiac (real ad)