Sports Frustrated (James M. Gleason) - Stanford Chaparral - April 30, 1958 - 56 pages

This is an excellent, early parody of Sports Illustrated that began publication in 1954.  The "Chaparral" that established itself as Stanford's humor arm in 1899, is second only to Harvard Lampoon with its variety of magazine parodies over the years.  Sports Frustrated contains some clever parodies of sports articles but the sports jokes are completely over-shadowed by a series of wonderful advertisement parodies that are located adjacent to the typical college ads of 1958.  Following are some examples.  [JAM 6/25/2017]

"New Virilis Hair Tonic with V-8" ("Meet Gnatnoop Krod [Poontang Dork backwards], wizard of the monopoly boards from Wheef, Mississippi.  Gnat's thrills are big, but fast play, hot lights and cigarette smoke really wipe his hair out.")

"American Distress Travelling Cheques" ("... travel farther before coming back to their author.  Our red tape enables you to keep well ahead of your checks.  Made of durable latex.  For slight additional fee you can get them with a simulated autograph of a member of the Eisenhower cabinet.")

"Maulboro" (... with a divine filter that delivers a smoke that's just too, too, utterly mild.")

"Dutch Tennis Shoe" (... life is just terrible.  The rent's due, bills are piling up.  Might as well smoke Dutch Tennis Shoes and get it over painlessly.")

"Oilly Brat" ("A Dry Martini is not a hooker of gin or sterno.  It's a cocktail.  And you damn well better realize that pretty soon or we will have to go out of business or put a vermouth on the market that evaporates in six months.")

"Shave for Men: The Luxury Pate dressing" ("Does not leak often in handy squeeze flask.")

"Booze House of Lard" ("The Eviluce Is Most Condensive ... The tongue-searing bitterness of Booze House of Lard is enough to tell any reasonable and prudent drunk that here is a quick acting poison fit for a connoisseur.")

"L'Aim Parfum by Caty" ("Nothing could make this woman more a man except ...")

"Werster Cigars" ("The world's most expensive wrappers on the world's cheapest cigars ...")

"Tollgate Instant Shave" ("Because Tollgate is the only instant shave that contains WHIPPY - thousands of tiny flogs that beat your whiskers into submission so fast they drop off your face before you can put a blade in the razor.")

"I. W. Barfer: The God Awful Whiskey" ("Every drop of the milder Strontium 90 is original and genuine ... every bit as radioactive as the famous bottled lightning Uranium 238 Bottled in Bomb.")

"Trumpin TR3-1/2" ("Parts and service available coast to coast!  Border to Border!  Heaven and Hell!")

"Tipsi-Cola" ("Ask any modern woman how she stays at her sparkling best - and she'll probably tell you where to go.  Today's Tipsi-Cola fits right into this every-woman-for-herself attitude.  Low in calories.  But high in proof - today's Tipsi puts you on your prat without putting on any fat.  Have a Tipsi.")

Front Cover - Drawing of Catcher Dill Cramball missing a pitch (Drew Fagan)
Inside Front Cover - Sustainer Corporation of America (ad parody)
1  Virilis Hair Tonic (ad parody)
2  Memo from the Publisher
3  Contents
4  List of Contributors
6  Deer Season carton by Drew Fagan; American Distress Travelling Cheques (ad parody)
7  Maulboro (ad parody)
8  Dutch Tennis Shoe (ad parody)
13 Jimmy Justaminute's Hotbox
15 Events & Discoveries
18 Stanford Starts Showers Sports
19 Oilly Brat (ad parody) - drawing by "Pablo Picasso"
20 Shave for Men (ad parody)
21 Booze House of Lard (ad parody)
22 Scoreboard
25 Letssin Parfums (ad parody)
26 Street Fighting Goes Legitimate
28 Conversation Piece: Raskolnikov Gets Rooked in International Chess Playoffs by "Red Farnsworth"
30 L'Aim Parfum by Caty (ad parody)
31 Volcanic Island cartoon by "Perry Winckle"
32 Sporting Look: New Sweatsuits Both Attractive and Versatile by "Jo Ahen Zilch"
34 Werster Cigars (ad parody)
35 Boathouse Deck cartoon by "Newt Les"
36 Fitfully: Eyeballing by "Bonnie Crudden"
38 Wonderful World of Sport: Pebble Beach Doin's
41 Whiffskey by Hiram Runner (ad parody)
42 Kentucky Derby Preview
43 After S x by Rudof (ad parody)
44 Snow Patrol
50 Tollgate Instant Shave (ad parody)
51 Tip from the Top by "Bud Digital"; Titleast/Cushneat Golf Balls (ad parody)
52 19th Hole: The Readers Take Cover (letters)
54 I.W. Barfer (ad parody)
55 Triumpin TR 3 1/2 (ad parody)
56 Pat on the Back: Oliver R. Opulent
Inside Back Cover - Tipsi-Cola (ad parody)
Back Cover - Salem cigarettes (real ad)