Newsweek (Lisa M. Henson) - Harvard Lampoon - Fall 1982 - 96 pages

The 1982 Lampoon special parody issue displayed more humor and fewer paid ads (41) than the 1981 People parody.  The Harvard writers were back into their element writing absurd copy for a weekly news magazine.  The main story ("Nuclear Arms and Terrific Legs") examines the effects that a nuclear holocaust would have on the careers of various supermodels.  In two words: "not good".  With the uncertainty of a "robot president" (Ronald Reagan) and the collapsing Soviet Union (1922-1991) superpower, this was an excellent opportunity for Lampoon satire.  It was time for development of the $100,000 Timex "chrono tank" and, possibly, "a five-foot long, armor-piercing BIC CLIC".  The Harvard crew under President Lisa took time to reflect on the "Democratic Foot" (Toes: Hart, Glenn, Mondale and Ted Kennedy) that might stomp on the "Republican Banana Peel" in 1984, and the chances of a Carter reelection (2%).  Meanwhile, First Lady Nancy Reagan is hosting a "No Frills Fashion" Show featuring an evening gown "woven entirely of food stamps" and "a number of sporty pantsuits made of shower curtains and old newspapers."  In the Lampoon Newsweek, the World's Fair is a low-budget event ($611) held in Knoxville, Tennessee.  There is also a 65th birthday party, complete with giant cake & hats & horns, in the works for the anniversary of the Russian October Revolution ("Russia Swings at 65").  The Harvard gang asks whether it is really time to celebrate since "their prime minister is a doddering old man with one foot in the grave, their economy has a blind date with disaster, and they are so dependent on the United States for grain that a box of Wheat Thins costs about thirty thousand rubles?"  In international news, the "Holy War" is raging in the Middle East [what else is new?] and Argentina is attacking Hong Kong.  This Newsweek parody loses some steam when it pivots from politics to local issues such as Medicine, Business ("86 percent of all 1982 automobiles from a Detroit assembly line sport a gasoline tank which is tied to the rear bumper with shreds of soggy twine" per Ralph Nader), Religion, Life Style and assorted media.  But, there is an enormous amount of creative energy in these pages.  With an editorial staff that makes a complete turn in four years, it is amazing that the high quality of written humor has been sustained over the decades.  [JAM 4/17/2017]

Front Cover - Supermodels react to a nuclear explosion
5  Index
7  Letters
10 My Turn - Some Sober Reflections by "Tom Collins"
12 List of Contributors (and silly names)
14 Update (Seamonkeys etc.)
16 Periscope
20 Special Report: Nuclear Arms and Terrific Legs by "Tate Labianca, Maria Impolleteria and Leff Ma Hart"
26 National Affairs: Military Shoots Its Wad; Nightmare in Magic Kingdom; Bush Whacked; Democrats Bray for a Miracle; Reagan Lost and Found; Crazy Nancy's Couture; World's Fair Whines Down
40 International: Russia Swings at 65 by "Az Anyad Izelye and Lofasz A Segedbe"; God Squads in Holy War; Duck Pin Diplomacy; Buenos Dias Hong Kong; Red Brigades Do the Terrorist Twist; War Without End by "Harry Lapin" (Easter Island)
61 Newsmakers
63 News Media: Times They Are A-Changing; Dawn of the Dark Ages; A Media Circus by "Horst Mapplethorpe"
66 Medicine: Hold the Herpes; Finding the Funny Bone; Lend Me Your Ears
68 Business: Looking Out for Number Two by "Sensualdo Montenegro"; Motor City Motormouth; The Economy: Who Knows?
71 Religion: He's Back
72 Books: Cayuse Crazy; Nouvelle Deal; The Hite of Nonsense; The Electric Gatorade Acid Test by "P. Taxthelm"
76 Life Style: Silicon Sex: Getting Off on Video Games
78 Music: Verdi's :Last Laugh by "Tippy Canoe"; Spoiled Rotten Rock; Even the Zombies Are Having Fun
82 Education: Mall-Adjusted Youth
83 Television: Games Leaders Play; The TV Season That Almost Was
86 Movies: Spielberg-Shlemielberg; Box Office Killer; Pac Ache; The Russians Are Dubbing
90 Transition
92 Science: So-So Biology; Our Fishy Friends
94 Why I Like The Feudal System by "George Fwill"
95 Time (ad parody with same cover photo as Newsweek: "Beauty and the Bomb")
96 Two-page Kool cigarettes (real ad)
Back Cover - Nissan Sentra/Datsun Dealers (real ad)