National Lampoon Parodies 1973 - Henry Beard, Michael O'Donoghue, Tony Hendra, Brian McConnachie (Senior Editors: Sean Kelly, George W.S. Trow, Douglas Kenney)

January 1973  - Death Issue

(Henry Beard and Dick Giordano and Neal Adams) The Adventures of Deadman - This eight-page, comic book super-hero (Batman?) parody explains the origin of Deadman who was once heir to the La Brea tar-pit fortune.  Hamster La Brea drove Giotto Chiarioscuro off a cliff but a brilliant scientist found the body and preserved it for all time.  Hamster's son, Delmar manages to inherit the fortune by bribing public officials and then fighting crime with his father's stiff body.  Comic book ad parodies are for "Last Aid" (how to preserve the body of a dead friend who trips on a rock) and the book, "Bobby Fisher Shows You How To Beat Death" (at chess).

(Dick Frank and David Kaestle and Brad Holland Ivan Lacher and Warren Sattler and some anonymous NL writers) Playdead - This is an excellent 14-page parody of Playboy.  The cover shows a dead model wearing a large possum (magazine mascot) bracelet.  "The Playdead Advisor" gives nothing but nonsense answers to questions from readers including one who died six months ago.  The "Playdead Interview" is with Dan Blocker (1928-1972) who does not answer any of the questions since he had been dead for almost a year.  In the pictorial ("The Stiffs of Sweden"), four women who were victims of executions, suicides and accidents are shown in their last poses.  "The Playmort of the Month" is Miss January in a hospital bed with a bed-chart pegged to zero.  The "Playdead's Parting Jokes" are rather morbid.  "The Ribald Classic" uses a lot of words and digressions but fails to tell a story or make any sense.  "The Playdead Pad" is a tomb with a circular coffin and state-of-the-art stereo system.  Members of the "Playdead Jazz Pall All-Starred Band" include Harry Truman (1884-1972) on piano, Gunga Din (fictional) on bugle and lead singer, Joe Valachi (1903-1971).  The magazine parody ends with four drawings in the style of Playboy regular contributors, Buck Brown (1936-2007), Phil Interlandi (1924-2002), Eldon Dedini (1921-2006) and Erich Sokol (1933-2003).  [JAM 11/7/2010]

February 1973 - Sexual Frustration Issue

Cover is a parody of a Coppertone ad by artist David Willardson.

(P.J. O'Rourke) Piddle ("The Adult Publication For Children") - I suppose the eight-page pulp insert is a parody of the underground newspapers of the day.  Writer O'Rourke tries to envision what adolescents would view as salacious.  Skip this one! [JAM 11/8/2010]

March 1973 - Sweetness And Light Issue

(Bruce McCall) My Own Stamp Album - This stamp album parody includes commemorative U.S. stamps for "Cheese Flavored Dogfood" anf "Feminine Hygiene Sprays" as well as international stamps for the Soviet "Inventor of the Galosh" and the "British Museum Opening Hours Extended."

(Henry Beard and P.J. O'Rourke) National Inspirer - Nothing unusual happens in this eight-page pulp parody of the National Enquirer.  For example: "Actor Jose Ferrer Admits ... 'I Drove My Child to School' ...''  In the horoscope section, Jeane Dixon predicts "chicken liver with noodles."  Ad suggests that you can use a lab rat to filter cigarette smoke so rat gets cancer instead of you.  [JAM 11/8/2010]

April 1973 - Prejudice Issue

(George W.S. Trow and Henry Beard) Ivory - This magazine parody celebrates white people.  The feature article, "Lady Sings the Scales" document the trials and tribulations of Kate Smith (1907-1986) including her "protest against three centuries of involuntary pulchritude."  The parody ends with an examination of the influential "White Cause" in the U.S. Congress. [JAM 11/9/2010]

May 1973 - Fraud Issue

Cover is a Dick Tracy parody by Warren Sattler.

(P.J. O'Rourke) Form 1040P - This is the tax form for "Privileged Individuals" who are not required to pay taxes no matter how much income they had during the previous year. 

(Christopher Cerf) Miracle Monopoly Cheating Kit - The kit starts with authentic-looking $1000 and $5000 bills.  The second feature of the kit is a special set of rules to be glued onto a regular set of rules.  New cheating rules include "The Clayton Antitrust Act of 1914," "Shoot the Moon," and "Railroad Strike."  The new rules also include the "Albany Avenue Bridge" which must be glued to the board without allowing another player to notice.  [JAM 11/9/2010]

June 1973 - Violence Issue

(Brian McConnachie and Warren Sattler) Kit 'n' Kaboodle - This "Gloomy Tunes" comic book parody is one step beyond Tom & Jerry by turning comic violence into graphic violence.  The blood flows as cat and mice battle with chainsaws, dynamite, piranhas, anvils, shotguns, bulldozers and bear traps.  All end up in heaven where the battle continues.  Ad parody is for "Sea-Poodles" who "will become an underwater explorer right before your eyes!"

(Tony Hendra and Henry Beard and Michael Gross and David Kaestle) Gun Lust - The eleven-page magazine parody cover promises "Microphonic Sights" for blind hunters and "the Rememington Triple-X Lightweight Trout Grenade."  The "Publisher's Statement" concludes that the publication " ... is approved by The American Council on Firing Bullets and Hurting People."  The first article provides a few "survival suggestions" such as using a decoy family " ... to lure the attacker into a combat situation ..."  Then, create a "free-fire zone" in your neighborhood with a few "protective-reaction strikes against adjacent neighborhoods."  Did George W. Bush read this when he was dodging the War in Vietnam?  Second article recounts the author's successful tracking of the "rogue yam."  Author also proudly displays previous kills: wild cauliflower, desert lettuce, Rocky Mountain broccoli, buck zucchini and horned avocado.  The parody ends with some ad parodies including cow armor ("over 100 hinged parts for easy grazing and milking"), "genuine" Swiss cuckoo gun and army gun, and "Dayglo Antlers."  The NRA was not amused. 

(Art Levine and David Kaestle and P.J. O'Rourke and Joe Orlando) Knuckle - Five-page boxing magazine parody targets knuckle-head pugilists.  Ad parodies are for "Inflatable Party Maul" and "Vincent's (Lombardi) of Greenbay."  [JAM 11/10/2010]

July 1973 - Modern Times Issue (Bruce McCall)

(Henry Beard and Warren Sattler) Techno-Tactics - This four-page newsletter of the "Secaucus Club" is an anti-environmental parody of The Sierra Club.  Secaucus Club members are encouraged to promote the establishment of an "Industrial Protection Agency."  Environmental activities are portrayed as threats to "our majestic interstate highway system."  Such groups would have you "let a family of bobcats live in your coat closet."  Threats to the "delicate technological balance" and the "entire industrial base" include seabirds that contaminate petroleum purity, shrinking dumplands, and " ... the runaway growth of unproductive forests and wetlands ..."

(Bruce McCall) Popular Workbench (August 1938) - This is a 14-page parody of Popular Science/Popular Mechanics that includes articles predicting the future of technology such as an underwater vehicle that will allow families to take driving vacations from New York to London by 1950.  Other new products for 1938 are the "automatic nose-blowing device," the giant "diesel typewriter" and a "powerful shoe flashlight."  "Hobbies Around the World" feature a Japanese "Replica of Pearl Harbor Base" and various German gliders and rockets.  Ad parodies in 1938 include several publications for obscure occupations such as spinach control, lardmaking at home, drawbridge oiler, raising giant marmots and prospecting for salt in Albania.  Although writer McCall's parody is quite clever, he could have made it better by deleting the page about Alabama state police detection methods. 

(Bruce McCall) Soviet-Mechnod-Foto - This photo-magazine parody depicts modern science in the U.S.S.R. with photo captions that could have been written by Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale.  Many of the photos are of weapon systems "further cementing of the unbreakable bond between the Socialist camps of the two good neighbor nations." [JAM 11/11/2010]

(Christopher Cerf and Warren Sattler) Nixxon - ad parody: "America is changing its name to Nixxon."

August 1973 - Strange Beliefs Issue [with excellent Frank Frazetta 1928-2010 cover]

(Sean Kelly and Michel Choquette and Neal Adams) Son-O-God Comics - This is the third installment of the classic NL super-hero parody.  See also January 1972 and December 1972.  In this episode, our hero boards a 747 that has been hijacked by Palestinian terrorists.  The airplane is taken to Saudi Arabia where   S-O-G  turns vodka into soft drinks and thrusts capitalism upon "misguided Moslems."  Ad parody is for the book, "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sects."

(Henry Beard and Terry Catchpole and Sean Kelly and Brian McConnachie and Bill Basso) Psychology Ptoday - Another 13-page magazine parody makes fun of the much-too-serious Psychology Today.  The message here is that psychology is "hooey, hokum and bunk."  Ad parody is for "T George Harris and his 'Mind Building' magazine" not to be confused with Charles Atlas body-building ads. [JAM 11/11/2010]

September 1973 - Postwar Issue   (George W.S. Trow)

(Henry Beard and Francis Hollidge and P.J. O'Rourke) Whitedove Comics - This war comic parody chronicles the activities of the ICCS ceasefire guardians during the last days of the Vietnam War.  The four-man team includes one Canadian, one Indonesian, one Pole and one Vietnamese man.  The team flies around investigating atrocities and generally doing nothing about it.  The ad parody is for "TGIF Joe."

(George W.S. Trow and Brian McConnachie and Henry Beard) Guerre - The short (seven pages) Vogue magazine parody for Army guys concentrates on camouflage/makeup techniques, really bad food and potential locations for new wars.

(Bruce McCall) The Armageddon Book Club - Ad parody identifies specialty books for war freaks.  Ad outlines 19 extremely obscure book titles regarding mostly World War II Nazi and Japanese oddities.

(George W.S. Trow and Bruce McCall and Henry Beard) Life - The September 28, 1943 fake issue of the magazine (13 pages) features an article about debs who help each other during wartime rationing.  Rose Mary Fremp has designed some Hitler-themed pin cushions and several other ways to show her disrespect on Der Fuehrer's birthday.  Mrs. Hunhelper of Baltimore, MD accidentally had lunch with a Nazi spy causing an entire fleet of U.S. ships to be destroyed including the S.S. Deep Sea Scallop.  Anti-Axis-related ad parodies are for asphalt, laminated nut fasteners, kitchen sinks, mattress covers and shaving cream.  The nut fastener ad looks like a leftover from the "Popular Workbench" parody of July 1973 with the promise of flying cars and other neat stuff in the near future.  [JAM 11/12/2010]

October 1973 - Banana Issue

(Chris Miller and Marc Rubin and Dick Ayers and Francis Hollidge) G.Gordon Liddy Agent of C.R.E.E.P. - Ten-page, black-and-white action comic book parody follows the adventures of Nixon's special agents led by cigar-smoking Liddy.  Nixon's "Them" (enemy list) includes Jane Fonda, Ted Kennedy and Daniel Ellsberg.  Them (Fonda, Ellsberg, Joe Namath, George Wallace, Black Panthers et al.) attack the president's dinner party but Liddy acts quickly with his explosive devices.  The next issue promises a meeting with Sam Ervin "and his Committee of Doom!"  Ad parodies are for miniature "Kent State Disturbance" toys and a training course for White House aides. 

(P.J. O'Rourke) Amtrak Model Railroading Catalog - What does this have to do with bananas?  [JAM 11/12/2010]

November 1973 - Sports Issue (Gerald Sussman)

(Gerald Sussman and Henry Beard and Francis Hillidge) Character Building Comics - The main story is a parody of the Brian Piccolo's life.  Our football hero has been diagnosed with hemorrhoids that could threaten the Chicago Bears football season.  Brian clinches a playoff berth for the team but he waits too long for surgery and his condition becomes terminal.  His hemorrhoids were donated to the Football Hall of Fame.  The short at the end depicts the early life of future coach, George Allen in the womb and as a toddler.  Ad parodies are for "Lung-Fu," survival trips to Greenland, effeminacy and various fake football stuff.

(Gerald Sussman and D. Brautigan) Eddie Bean Catalog - Cover shows a wooden, non-duck hunter decoy.  Products are insulated with goose liver and Wonder Bread and come in "tan, forest green or scarlet."  The ultimate product is the seven-room "Swiss Army House" that folds into a convenient front pack.

(Gerald Sussman and Henry Beard and Christopher Cerf) Alaska Pipeliner's Official Souvenir Program - Unlikely ABA expansion team incorporated into Guam needs just $50 million to build proposed "Alaskadome" that would resemble a giant igloo.  Program reminds all fans to remain seated in the event that the polar bear mascot breaks loose.  Ad parodies are for "whaledogs," "Tundra Lager" and "Antlers Blended Whiskey."

(Gerald Sussman and Barron Storey and Ronald Harris) Sports Illustrated - (11 pages) Blind umpire with dog is shown in cover photo.  The NYSRA is promoting the Kentucky Derby for rats to stimulate racing interest in the poor and disadvantaged.  Sheldon Swinnick won the World (Golf) Open with the help of a seagull and a walrus on the 18th hole.  He made a miraculous comeback after a six-over-par result on the 4th hole on the Sahara Desert.  His final score was 987.  "LeRoy Neiman" paints a scene from "Ten-Man Tennis."  SI author goes supermarket shopping with Hemingway.  "Dr. Jay Christ" (Michael O'Donoghue) shot his 98th consecutive perfect game of golf (18 aces).  Ad parody is for "Sports Illustrated Owner's Game" that allows the players "to treat fans like dirt." [JAM 11/13/2010]

December 1973 - Self-Indulgence

(George W.S. Trow and Michael O'Donoghue and P.J. O'Rourke and Gerry Sussman and Sean Kelly and Tony Hendra and Michael Gross and Henry Beard and Brian McConnachie and Ed Subitsky and Doug Kenney and Anne Beatts) Our Sunday Comics - The NL editors placed themselves into comic parodies - except Bruce McCall who lost his.  "Trogo" plays golf with a horse and a goose while complaining about lower-class animals.  O'Donoghue has anger issues in "Poon-Wise!"  "PJ and the Pirates" have a cocaine cargo to protect from the Anaconda Lady and others.  "Smilin' Ger" (Sussman) fights to keep literature out of NL.  Kelly outwits the new kid in "The Lampoonerville Trolley."  "The Sicklenhammer Kids" (Hendra)play a joke on the "Kapitalist" by baking him into the pie.  The 21st century "Flash Gross" runs afoul with "Matty the Merciless" (chairman).  "Hank Beard" (Dick Tracy) is trying to solve the mystery of the bad joke writer (Sourpuss) who keeps sending anonymous articles to the magazine.  "Brinie" (McConnachie) suffers a heart attack and the NL staff attends his funeral.  "Eddie" dials the desert phone.  Doug Kenney sets the record by writing " ... script for this stupid comic section in four minutes and forty seconds."  "Little Beattsy" gets kicked out of the boy's club.

(Doug Kenney and P.J. O'Rourke and Brian McConnachie and Tim Mayer and Lani Bergstein and Anne Beatts) Poon Beat - Teen magazine parody focuses on the lives and groupies of NL editors.  The Sunday Comics were better.

(Henry Beard and Gerry Sussman) Me - The ultimate specialty magazine is this one devoted entirely to one man, Walter J. Arnholt of Elkhart, Indiana.  Walter wrote the "Arnholt Report" and both letters on the Letters page.  His favorite recipe is "Franks and Beans a la Arnholt" with mustard added to the franks water.  On weekends, Walter works on his matchbook collection.  The last page is for puzzles and jokes.  All of the crossword clues are related to inside information know only by the Arnholt family such as "Walt. Jr,'s first word."  Ad parody is for "Ego Records." [JAM 11/13/2010]