Maudlin Screen (Dunny Clark) - Stanford Chaparral - March 1953 - 44 pages

The entertainment industry was an easy target for the Stanford college gang.  Modern Screen was one of several fan magazines that thrived on the Hollywood scene in the 1950s.  Chaparral parodied the movie stars of the day with a series of thinly-disguised stories about their vapid lives. The "Happy Times" column of  Louella Parsnips (not Louella Parsons 1881-1972) relates the inside stories (and unsubstantiated rumors) about the biggest stars of the day.  The biggest party of the month was thrown by Stewart Gangrene (not Stewart Granger 1913-1993) "in honor of two ex-bookies recently paroled".  Robert Snitchem (not Robert Mitchum 1917-1997) "recently turned up in a northern California flophouse".  And, why did Rock Bludsom (not Rock Hudson 1925-1985) "give his supposed best girl a twelve-foot boa constrictor for Valentine's Day?"  Sheilah Cracker ("The Girl in the Vine-Covered Cottage") tells the story of Dawn Grey "... a naive young girl from Ogallala, Nebraska ..." whose birth name was "Marilyn Monroe" but her agent "Simon Pusher ... considered (the name) a too common and not catchy enough title for such a bright, young starlet".  Miss Grey has green mold on her teeth "that are usually covered up with porcelain caps."  The candid portrait of the starlet also reveals her to be a heavy smoker and drinker who reads "Three Little Puppies" and has not had time to make a movie since her five minutes of screen time in 1948 in "Sweetheart of Eta Pi".  The "A Dream of Hope" column of Hop Hedder (not Hedda Hopper 1885-1966) gives "the real low-down on the most romantic young couple Hollywood has seen in many a moon" (Pharlee Mange and Millicent Torsoe).  Their "fifteen-room bungalow" is furnished with "mink rugs ... from Pharlee's hunting expeditions" and "magnificent mahogany furniture" carved by Millicent.  "And don't believe a word of these rumors about Pharlee and Tinkle Bell."  Other stars covered in the issue are chubby Gibralter O'Toole (star of The Greatest Pile on Earth) and child star Shirley Twinkle (not Shirley Temple 1928-2014).  Advertisement parodies are for "The Freudian Slip" (page 13), "Movie Pin-Ups" (page 36) and "The Stanford Story" movie (page 44).  Chaparral staff members include Ezra Pound, Rocky Marciano, Pablo Picasso, Pappy Yokum, M. Toulouse-Lautrec, Venus de Milo, Albert Einstein, Estes Kefauver, Christine Jorgenson, Baron Rothschild and J. Pierpoint Morgan.  Fake index stories include "I'm the World's Greatest Singer" by Mario Lanza, and "They Called Me a Bitch" by Lassie.  Actual Stanford students were used for all of the photo essays although names were changed to protect the innocent.  Just ask Melba Ennui or Surla Table.  [JAM 3/22/2015]

Front Cover - Melba Ennui
2  Index
3  Staff
4  The True Word (drawing MLF)
6  Louella Parsnips' Happy Times
10 Movie Reviews
13 The Freudian Slip --- the real you (drawing by Whor)
14 The Girl in the Vine-Covered Cottage
16 A Dream of Love by Hop Hedder
18 Inside Hollywood
21 If at First You Don't Succeed by Fig Newton
22 Solid ... Like a Rock by Mike Crummley
24 Little Miss Twinkletoes Grows Up by Takomoto Funk
26 Their Stars Are Rising
30 I Saw It Happen by A. Nothing
34 Our Thanks and Acknowledgments
35 Are You Made for "Mire and Lice"?
36 Movie Pin-Ups #4
37 I Saw It Happen by Brenda Allen
40 I Saw It Happen by Cloud Jarhead, Jr.
44 The Stanford Story (movie ad parody - drawing by Johnson)
Back Cover - Camel cigarettes (real ad)