Martha Stuart's Excruciatingly Perfect Weddings (Tom Connor & Jim Downey) - HarperPerennial - 1998 - 64 pages

The "Martha Stuart" trilogy is the classic magazine parody of a subject that was so ripe for it.  The final volume takes wedding planning to the ultimate degree.  The planning starts 20 years before the event with the groom selection being the least of the details.  Of most importance is using Martha as the planner, and sending mass quantities of consultant fees her way.  The prenuptial agreement should favor the bride.  There must be music and dancing.  The "Hell Toupee" duo and "Martha and the Vendettas" are recommended.  The invitations should "sing like the sirens on the proverbial shore."  The bride should make her own cake, dress (from home grown cotton), and all bridesmaids dresses (four sizes too small for entertainment).  And, you cannot have too many utensils for the table setting.  The example on pages 26-27 shows 32 tools per plate including "ear wax fork", "gnu butter knife" and "drool recovery spoon."  The food should be prepared from recipes found in Martha Stuart's books.  For example, "fowl buffet", "baby carp sushi in rice rolls" and "Martha's Edited Alphabet Soup."  If there is such a thing as perfect parody, this is it.  [JAM 5/10/2017]

Front Cover - Martha barges into the wedding photo and the cake topping
5  Introduction
6  Wedding Planner: Things I Insist You Remember
8  Bouquets
14 Pre-Nups
17 Arranging Music
22 Invitations
24 Preparations
25 Homemade Wedding Cake
26 Table Settings
28 Throwables
30 A Homemade Gown
34 Bridesmaids
36 A Family Wedding
50 Menus & Recipes
62 Retractions
64 Thanks